Most people have a "psychic" intuition or a "sixth sense" - just like most people have five other senses (except of course those who have lost one or more of theirs). As a trauma survivor, and in steadfast, pro-active recovery from it, I have tried desperately to find some positive aspect to it. This horrible thing happened to me and I almost died, and it effects every single day of my life. Ok. Got that. Enough! I'm a thriver, not just a survivor.
I started noticing that the periods of time just following a trauma trigger - all my senses are so heightened that it's almost unbearable. Sounds are way louder and lights way brighter. Physical pain is more intense just as pleasant touch is too - like a hug from one of my sons, the feel of my cats or dogs fur to much better orgasms. Yeah - I found a gift in the PTSD madness! But then I started noticing something else that I cannot keep to myself any longer no matter how insane it sounds.
First let me say that my trauma triggers are fewer and way less often than they were several years back. I now usually know ahead of time when I'm going to be triggered and what causes me to be triggered.
So, getting back to the original point of this blog, I started noticing that my intuition was crazy strong, feelings about others (like I could "read" people so strongly it got in the way of conversation and daily life in general) and my spiritual connection was so intense, just like my other five senses. This was very scary at first and put me on emotional overload. When I would lay in bed at night to try and sleep, my sixth sense would wake up! The quiet that I craved so much throughout a difficult day only brought me extremely loud noise in my head. I'm almost six years clean and sober through a wonderful rehab and my 12-step program (drugs and alcohol worked for a while for me before I was diagnosed with PTSD), I was in cognitive talk therapy for almost six years with an incredible MFT that specializes in trauma and addiction, have been partially hypnotized on several occasions, have had EMDR therapy and have studied and taken numerous courses on addiction and PTSD. So I've done my homework. And a very well-respected psychiatrist weeded-out the fact that I'm NOT schizophrenic, bi-polar, etc. I checked myself because PTSD and addiction can make you feel/seem very crazy in the beginning. And the journalist in me wants to always thoroughly investigate everything!
I started just making peace with my evolved sixth sense that I know I've always had - like I said in the beginning, I think we all have this but we just don't know it or know how to use it and trust it. And it makes sense that some have a better sixth sense than others just like the other five senses. I now use the time when I'm in trauma mode to connect with loved ones who have passed, visualize and feel my past lives and connect with my higher power and listen to what I'm supposed to do next for myself and others. Now I always come out of trauma mode with an incredible peace and strong sense of self. Wow! That's very different from the dread and terror I used to feel.
